My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
