I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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