Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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