Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
