It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
