is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
