I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
