I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Randomize
