i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
