Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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