They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
