even my farts smell like vagina
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
