omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
