I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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