I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
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This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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