Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
