How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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