Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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