I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
