just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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