Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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