If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
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Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
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Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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