Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
