So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
