if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
