dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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