my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
