In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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