Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
