He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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