So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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