I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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