I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
