You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
