I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
