She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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