i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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