Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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