Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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