At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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