I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
