I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
