I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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