Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
