So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
