No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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