Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
