his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
