ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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