Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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