So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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