Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
