We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
