Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize