tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
