she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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