I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
