i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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