Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
