??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
