I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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