hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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