Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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