he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
