Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
