it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
