I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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