apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
