If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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