I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
