Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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