I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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