At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
